1. N.Y. Giants (5-0)

Eli’s foot has been bothering him. Wonder if it has anything to do with sticking it in his mouth on draft day a few years ago? 

2.  Indianapolis (5-0)

Hard to believe there are still people who say Peyton has something to prove. Well, maybe in February he will get a chance to show everyone he’s almost as good as his little brother.

3. New Orleans (4-0)

With Gregg Williams in charge and Darren at safety, that defense sure looks a lot Sharper.

4.  Minnesota (5-0)

Favre is so focused he hasn’t even seen the Wrangler billboards around Minneapolis. But bet he knows where the nearest Sears is. … Or maybe he doesn’t. 

5. N.Y. Jets (3-2)

That was the tease, Sanchez. Next week Braylon will drop three easy ones.

6. Philadelphia (3-1)

McNabb shook the Kolb webs quickly in his first game back. Good thing the media wants him to succeed, or he never could have done it, right, Rush?

7. Cincinnati (4-1)

Mike Zimmer pulled a bit of a Favre, helping his team upset the Ravens just two days after he shockingly lost his wife.

8. Denver (5-0)

After all of his bungling leading up to the season, and despite the fact that he looks and acts like a 12-year-old, Josh McDaniels apparently can coach. So the Broncos jump 17 spots from two weeks ago. But let’s burn the 40-year-old striped socks again, eh?

9. New England (3-2)

If we were Bill Belichick, we’d be looking around in confusion, too, wondering how we just got punked by a 12-year-old.

10. Baltimore (3-2)

The Ravens defense has been neutered by the refs the last two games, but I’m sure Ray would say they’re still “men.”

11. Atlanta (3-1)

After having a week to stew over that loss in New England, the Falcons poured it on the Niners. Now they can prove it against a couple of decent, though not great, teams — Chicago and Dallas – before a big showdown in Week 8 against New Orleans.

12. Green Bay (2-2)

At five sacks a game, Rodgers is on pace to topple the record of 76. The Packers brought back Mark Tauscher to give him a hand up.

13.  Chicago (3-1)

Nothing for Baby Jay to cry about this week, but just wait until he goes to Atlanta and gets hit by John Abraham a few times this Sunday night.

14.  Pittsburgh (3-2)

The Steelers almost blew it again. Maybe once Polamalu comes back, they’ll remember how to close out games.

15. San Diego (2-2)

The big, bad Broncos come to town this week. Will it be Shawne Merriman’s last game against them?

16.  San Francisco (3-2)

Wonder why Dre Bly apologized a day later for his showboating fumble? You’d apologize too if you found yourself on the business end of Mike Singletary’s stare.

17. Dallas (3-2)

To beat the old Dallas Texans in Kansas City, Tony Romo had to go to Austin. But the Cowboys are still miles away from Miami (the site of the Super Bowl).

18. Seattle (2-3)

With so many injured guys, guess Owen Schmitt just wanted to feel like part of the team. After that stunt, wonder if he got a major ribbing from Hasselbeck?

19.  Arizona (2-2)

The Cardinals were one goal-line stand away from blowing a 21-point lead at home and possibly dropping to 0-3 at University of Phoenix Stadium. Odd thought it sounds, they probably can’t wait to go to Seattle.

20.  Jacksonville (2-3)

What happened to the team that had scored 68 points in the past two games? Did the Jags miss rising diva receiver Mike Sims-Walker that much?

21. Houston (2-3)

Jekyll and Hyde showed up again. They and Gary Kubiak probably won’t be invited back next year.

22.  Miami (2-3)

No wonder the Dolphins won Monday. Even the referee and the commercials were in Spanish.

23. Carolina (1-3)

After a tough three-game start, the Panthers have a good chance to get to .500 with wins over Washington, Tampa and Buffalo.

24. Tennessee (0-5)

The Titans have already lost two more games than they did all of last season. And with the three cover men out, the only corner they have left is the one they’ve been backed into.

25. Detroit (1-4)

Even without Stafford or Calvin, the Lions looked a little fashionable in their comeback against the Steelers.

26. Washington (2-3)

Four of the Redskins’ five opponents are a combined 2-17, yet the Skins are just 2-2 against them. Is Sherm Lewis about to replace Jim Zorn as the seat warmer for Mike Shanahan?

27. Buffalo (1-4)

Dick Jauron fired his offensive coordinator just before the season. Why are you surprised the Bills’ offense stinks?

28. Tampa Bay (0-5)

Apparently, the Bucs’ coaches had never seen the Eagles blitz on defense before. Or was Johnson just joshin’?

29. Oakland (1-4)

Wonder how Tom Cable feels now that the tables have been turned and he’s getting his butt kicked every week?

30. Cleveland (1-4)

Hand it to the Browns: They get rid of Braylon Edwards, Derek Anderson completes a whopping 2 of 17 passes, and they get their first win. (What do they have to pay the Bills for the favor?)

31. Kansas City (0-5)

The Chiefs have lost 28 of their last 30 games, and their fans were probably hoping they would go back to Dallas with the Cowboys. 

32. St. Louis (0-5)

In the extremely unlikely event that McNabb hater Limbaugh does end up owning the Rams, they might not be able to get any black players to sign with them, but at least they’ll be able to Rush the passer, eh?

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