We used to be in there, now we’re out here
Last week, the Washington Wizards acquired veteran point guard Mike Bibby in a deal with the Atlanta Hawks. Bibby spent about 127 hours in D.C. and was so eager to get out of town that he sawed his own arm off at the tune of $6.2 million – his guaranteed salary for next year – [...]
Of course I watched “The Decision.” It was like a car wreck – I couldn’t look away even if I knew it would be painful to see. The Summer of LeBron had reached its apex, and he suckered us all in with the entire dog and pony show, capped off by the overblown ESPN special announcing his intentions to [...]
Is the NBA ready for cataclysmic change? We are on the verge of what could possibly be the craziest few days in league history; the long-awaited start of the 2010 free agency period, an event that people have had marked on their calendars for years given the staggering amount of talent on the open market. [...]
As soon as the clock ran out on another bitter playoff disappointment for the Cleveland Cavaliers, another countdown began – one that will shape the future of the NBA for the next decade. The LeBron James Free Agent watch officially started when King James flung off his Cavaliers jersey nanoseconds after entering the playoff tunnel [...]
A woman in Florida claims that former NFL running back Travis Henry is the father of her 18-month-old twins. If true, it means Henry finally has enough kids to field a full football team, thanks to the 10 women who have fathered his 11 tikes. Hope the woman doesn’t want any financial support because we’re [...]
Please tell me why. I have been nothing but a loyal servant to you during my 25 years as NBA commissioner, per our deal.
I rigged the lottery back in 1985. I got those scary black guys to look presentable. I foisted Gary Bettman onto the NHL. I continue to torment Mark Cuban. I stole the SuperSonics from Seattle. I hired the most incompetent officials in pro sports. I even created the WNBA.
And all I’ve ever asked from you is one thing: Cavs vs. Lakers in the NBA Finals. Kobe vs. LeBron. It’d be a ratings bonanza! We’ve already started hyping it – haven’t you seen our puppet commercials? Those are good!
And now you’re going to ruin it for me! No one cares about Orlando, yet the Magic have a 3-1 lead. People are going to be disturbed watching a team coached by a Ron Jeremy lookalike. He doesn’t even own any collared shirts!
And the Nuggets? Have you seen those guys? They make Travis Barker look subtle. I’ve spent my career trying to bring back our rich, white fans, and now we’re asking them to cheer for a guy who has giant lips tatted on his neck? Hell, even their white guy is scary!
Please, I’m begging you – I need Kobe and LeBron in the finals. I’ve got advertisers to placate, TV networks to satisfy. We’ve pulled off some crazy stuff before – let’s do it one more time. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll re-up my deal – hey, I’ll even throw in saucy cheerleaders to sweeten the pot.
Your friend in NBA debauchery,
The neverending NBA playoffs are about to begin, and we wouldn’t be a sports blog if we didn’t provide you, our loyal readers, with the prerequisite playoff preview. Here in Seattle, of course, the NBA is just a vague memory of tall men jumping around, so forgive us if we aren’t as in-depth in our [...]
Two former sports reporters freed from the constraints of traditional print media write about the hot topics on both the Seattle and national sports scene. No deadlines, no word count, no press box decorum — we're Outside The Press Box.